| |
|
My life as Sandra began
when I was about 13. For some unknown reason which I can
only put down to the arrival of puberty, I'd put on this
pleated skirt and the effect it had on me was strange but
enjoyable. Now a psychologist might have a reasonable
explanation for this but unless he also happens to be a
'dresser' then his opinion isn't worth anything anyway.
The desire to keep putting on this skirt continued for
the next few months until it just as suddenly stopped. At
this point, Sandra went into hibernation not to
re-awake until 'he' was 20.
I was now living alone, so the first thing to do was to
buy all sorts of lingerie from the mail order catalogues.
Then came the dresses, the skirts and the shoes. It has
to be said that at this point dressing definitely
fulfilled a certain sexual need. However, this 'need' was
the result of dressing and not the cause.
This experimenting in dressing was to last for
approximately 5 years until I foolishly listened to that
question we all seem to ask ourselves at some stage.
"Why am I doing this?"
The result was to get rid of everything I had bought and
lay Sandra to rest. A mistake I know - most of
us have committed this sin at some point in our
development. |
|
| |
|
Eventually though, after some
years, the overwhelming desire to dress again became too
strong to ignore. So out came the credit cards and in
came the clothes. This time however, makeup and wigs were
being bought. I had also taken to shaving my legs which
definitely makes one appreciate nylons more.
Now I was beginning to feel like Sandra, but it
was to take a few more years of constant experimenting
before I could be genuinely happy with myself. If you do
not have a female partner or friend you can turn to for
advice, it can be extremely frustrating not knowing even
the basic rules of applying makeup. Bear in mind that
this was before the days of the Internet - a veritable
Goddess to our community! Most of what I had learned came
from watching too much television.
One thing I have always found hard to find is a
definitive description for the difference between a
crossdresser and a transvestite. Everyone seems to have
their own opinion. For some, they are regarded as the
same thing.
My opinion however, is that a crossdresser is a man who
likes to dress in female clothes and a transvestite is a
man who is a woman when dressed in female
clothes.
Applying that logic, I would say that during this first
period of dressing I was a crossdresser. It wasn't until
I started to perfect a more feminine appearance with the
makeup and wigs that the true Sandra started to
express herself. Now that I felt more like a woman I
began to act like one.
It was then I could claim to be a TV. |
|
| |
|
I had done all my dressing in the
privacy of my own home. I had been lucky - or unlucky
depending on which way you look at it - to have been
single most of this time, so therefore I could indulge in
my passion as often as I wished.
It could be that the reason I have remained single is
because I wasn't prepared to sacrifice my life as Sandra
knowing that most partners would have a problem dealing
with it. The only person I could form a relationship with
now is one that had met and accepted her first.
Unfortunately, no matter how much happier I felt when
dressed, there became an ever increasing need for
something more.
It was the desire for company.
I'd been in the closet for so long that I just had to
"spread my wings." I now longed for the
opportunity to be Sandra whilst in the presence
of others. The Internet was now to play a major part in
this. I believe the TG community has benefited enormously
from this communications medium, bringing us all closer
together. Granted, a lot of 'girls' are still in the
closet but at least they're interconnected closets! |
|
| |
|
I began by looking for personal
web sites of those that were already brave enough to show
the world who they were. Reading their bio's and seeing
the similarity to my own re-inforced my decision to 'come
out' - if they could do it, so could I.
I then began looking for the personal ad sites, not to
place one - I wasn't that brave! - but to find one I
could reply to. Eventually one appeared that seemed just
right for me. At the time, I didn't realise how rare it
was to find an ad that was from a real girl looking for a
TV.
Luckily for me, out of the three hundred plus emails that
this woman had received in response to her ad, she chose
mine as one worthy of pursuing further. After the usual
emails bounced back and forth between us, we arranged to
meet one evening. She had her own reasons for wanting to
meet me and likewise I had mine. Even so, to get approval
from her after she had met Sandra was such a
confidence boost that things seemed to change for me
overnight.
I was amazed at how easy I found it to answer all and any
question she had about me including the very personal
ones! I am forever grateful to her and now consider her
to be one of my earliest friends. |
|
| |
|
Some weeks later, I had an opportunity to go to a
party that was just for TV's. It was in response to
another ad found in the personals. I will admit I was
rather hesitant at first not knowing what to expect.
However, I was surprised to find out how at ease and
enjoyable it was to be in the presence of others.
I had now gotten so confident that I actually came home
dressed, not caring anymore if anybody - including my
neighbours - saw me. I was actually disappointed when
none of them did! And that feeling when first hearing
one's stiletto heels clicking on pavement instead of dull
carpet.......
Sheer
Heaven!
Originally, I had created my web pages as a virtual
wardrobe. The intention was to have a picture of me in
every outfit I had so that it would be easier to decide
what to wear and how I'd look wearing it.
Now though, I'd become one of the brave ones who was more
than willing to show the world the 'new girl in town.'
Unfortunately, I seem to buy more outfits than I have
time to photograph. With over seventy outfits at the last
count, it'll take some time before the whole collection
will be catalogued on the website, and at the rate I keep
buying new ones, I may never be able to catch up!
|
|
| |
|
Role-playing, an area that I
think needs some clearing up. Now, I like to wear thigh
boots because they look sexy and not because I am, or
want to be, a Dominatrix. The same can be said of wearing
a maids outfit. Let's face it, they're a sexy costume.
However, I do not and could not play the part of a maid
even though I have fantasized about such things, I'm sure
most of us have.
Basically, I just love to wear anything that's feminine.
I even have a wedding dress - not that I have an
overwhelming desire to be a bride - but because to me,
it's the ultimate in feminine attire.
I do not role-play as Sandra when
dressed............. I am Sandra!
I've never regretted my decision to come 'out' of the
closet, just sorry that I'd not done it sooner. Sandra
now has a life of her own and is living it to the full,
and thoroughly enjoying it. I regularly go out and meet
others as often as I can and each time that I do my
circle of friends grows ever larger.
Since originally writing this biography, which was about
the beginning of 2001, a lot has happened.
My ambition to live and work as Sandra has been
fulfilled, hence why my website disappeared for awhile. I
have been extremely lucky in the choice of work I am
employed in, and even luckier in the choice of area where
I now live. I won't say it's been easy, it never will,
but at least I get to live my life as I want and besides,
the 'positives' far outway the 'negatives.' |
|
| |
| |
I hope this has satisfied your curiosity about
me,
Luv
xxx
|
|
